desire

i've been doing a bunch of soul searching in an attempt to figure out what it is i want for the present and my future...and most of all what i can learn fr om my oh-so-dramatic past. i think i've come up with a lot of answers while some things still need some time to stew properly. one thing i need right now is to pep myself full of drive, determination, and desire to be very very successful for the rest of this semester...granted i have a job secured and i just need to techincally pass and graduate but there is this part of me, that always screams out when i try to convince myself i'm willing to settle for anything less then the best i can possible get, that won't allow me to do that. i want to go to graduate school...get a masters...phd...law degree?? who knows...but i know that part of me that used to count down the days of summer until school would start again is still in me and probably will never leave. i truly love learning and somewhere along the way during college i lost a lot of that spark...thankfully its coming back and i'm really loving it. i've been going to the gym and hopefully will start seeing some really awesome results real soon....especially if i can just regulate my diet a little more. i feel my life taking back the order that was pulled out from under my feet last year and its a really good feeling. now, once i get my car and a job i know i'll be soo much happier and able to focus. the extreme amounts of downtime i have only lend themselves to my being unproductive, lazy, bored and are nearly driving me insane. i have way too much time to think about my life and well everything and anything in it...good or bad it has crossed my mind a million times a day since, well, i have nothing else to do. well, i declare tomorrow as my change over day....the quote says "today is the first day of the rest of your life" and while that would apply to today as well....today is monday and who wants monday to be the first day of their life...mondays are probably the worst day of the week...tuesdays i can deal with (even though i have an insane amount of classes to sit through)....so...tomorrow is it...first day of me being ready and focused and willing to be challenged....
i think to prepare I'll get to bed early tonight =)